


The Colour Grey

by Nylazor



Series: The Adventures of Cal Amell [30]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Origins
Genre: Archdemons (Dragon Age), Character Death, Crying, M/M, Men Crying, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-03
Updated: 2019-04-03
Packaged: 2020-01-04 04:58:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,462
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18336656
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nylazor/pseuds/Nylazor
Summary: Cal Amell kills the Archdemon





	The Colour Grey

**Author's Note:**

> Don't read if you don't wanna be sad.

With a roar the Archdemon fell, slamming into the castle. The building shook and Zevran hoped it wouldn't collapse. He eased his bow into a relaxed position and returned the arrow to his quiver. Alistair and Cal ran forward, Barkspawn not far behind. 

Zevran leaned forward putting his hands on his knees and panting. Holy shit. They did it! They were going to defeat the Archdemon! They didn't die. Zevran was used to the constant threat of death but even still this had put him at his limit. He pushed himself upright and put his hands on his lower back stretching backward. 

He was free! Whatever that meant. Cal had made a backdoor deal with those Crows so that he wouldn't be hunted, Zevran didn't believe it for a second. Still, between him and Cal, they could look after themselves.

Zevran opened his eyes and jogged to where the two wardens stood, they seem to be in deep discussion.

“Just the final blow, yes? Let's end this.” Zevran called out stopping a few meters away.

The two wardens may be brave enough to stand right beside the monsters head but as a rogue he liked to keep his distance.

“Zev…” Cal looked like he was going to cry, he shook his head. “I love you.”

Zevran opened his mouth to reply but Cal had turned from him, took Alistair's sword and shoved it into the monster's skull.

A… power, something, slammed into Zevran causing him to stumble back. It was like a great hot wind had come from the Archdemon and flew outward. 

“What was that!” Zevran yelled, opening his eyes to see Cal collapse.

Everything seemed to slow down. Alistair didn't move he was just staring, Barkspawn launched forward and started whining and licking Cal. Zevran didn't even make a choice to move, his legs started moving on their own, pushing him towards Cal.

He has to be ok, we won! He deserves it! We killed the Archdemon! What happened?

Zevran collided with Barkspawn, knocking him to the side to pick up Cal. The mutt whined but Zevran couldn't bring himself to care. Cal looked… Grey. He looked ashen, like all the blood had drained out of him.

“Mi amor! Mi amor! Wake up! Wake up!” Zevran shook him and Cal was like a rag doll, but he was still warm, he couldn't be dead! “Maker damn you, Cal Amell, if you don't wake up right now-”

He felt a hand on his shoulder, his first instinct was to slash whoever it was with a knife, but instead he curled around Cal tighter.

“Zevran… he's dead.” Alistair said.

Cal smelled like he always did, day old clothes, lyrium and elfroot from spending hours making health potions for them. Zevran buried his nose deeper, he could smell Cal's sweat, he smelled exactly as he always did. He smelled… like home.

“I… Cal didn't want to worry you, but the reason you need a warden to kill the Archdemon, is we have the taint, and when we kill the Archdemon, I'm not sure, we trap it with our soul? The point is if a warden kills the Archdemon it won't be reincarnated, but it also kills the warden.”

Zevran pulled back and looked at the man in his arms. Despite his beard, he looked young, all stress lines gone, face slack. Zevran eased him onto the ground. Barkspawn rushed forward and began whining and licking at the young mage. 

Zevran stood and whipped around toward Alistair. “It should've been you!” He hissed as he pulled out one of his knives.

“Zevran! Zevran! I offered! I would've! I didn't force him! He refused and insisted he would do it!” Alistair glanced back towards the Archdemon, where his sword was still stuck.

Zevran screamed in rage. It wasn't fair. It wasn't fucking fair. Cal should've been alive, he deserved it he worked so fucking hard! He didn't deserve this, to die at the height of victory. Cal deserved to live, with him. 

Zevran threw down his knives and punched Alistair, hard. Alistair stumbled back and fell on his ass. 

“Maker damn you. Cal isn't some sacrificial pawn to be used by you. He shouldn't have died. He gave everything to you people and you used him.” Zevran yelled. “He was always giving, healing, helping everyone, and everyone was so damn happy to use him and now he's gone.”

“Zevran, Cal is a hero, he said since I was the King, and there were no other wardens, he would do it. He would save Ferelden, maybe even Thedas! He did it because it was right and just.”

Zevran growled and pulled at his hair. “No he didn't you idiot! He did it because he was suicidal! He saw an opportunity to save the world and kill himself at the same time and he took it. He was sick and you took advantage of him! He deserved to have a full life! He deserved to get better! He-” Zevran cut himself off with a sob. He collapsed to the ground, knees giving out 

Alistair stared at him dumbly. “But… that can't… you mean all those jokes… I … I didn't know…” Alistair stumbled over this words in confusion.

Barkspawn walked morosely to Zevran and whined and leaned against him. He never liked that damn dog. He smelled and slobbers and was always taking all of Cal's attention. But… Cal had always said the dog was smart, always saying he could understand them. The dog had seen enough death to understand what had happened to Cal, even if he didn't understand why.

“I'm sorry Zevran, I wish no one had to die! I was close to Cal too, but I know you two were closer…”

Zevran gritted his teeth and turned his face to the side, trying desperately to keep the tears from falling. “Just… go.”

“Zevran…” Alistair pushed himself upright.

“GO! Go, before I slit your throat.” Zevran hissed, he never wanted to cry so damn much in his life.

“Yes… yes, I will go tell Earl Eamon and all the others. I'll… I'll leave Cal here.” Alistair walked behind Zevran.

Zevran's eyes were firmly closed to hold back tears, he focused on his breathing. He listened as Alistair pulled out his sword from the Archdemon and then walked in front of him. 

Zevran waited until he couldn't hear him anymore and then he waited a little more. When it felt like his chest was about to explode he let out a harsh sob and felt the tears pour down his face. 

He stumbled to his feet and turned, he could blearily see the Archdemon and the dull purple robes that held Cal. He walked forward and kneeled at what used to be Cal. He gingerly pulled him against his chest, Cal's head resting against his shoulder.

“Hello, mi amor, I bet the Wardens will take you so this is going to be the last time I … the last time…” I hold you, is what he wanted to say but his body was wracked with sobs.

He pulled the body close, treasuring the warmth and the smell. He felt something wet at his elbow and he jumped a bit and glanced down. Barkspawn was nuzzling him, a let out a mournful whine.

“See Cal, your dumb mutt already misses you.” Zevran laughed wetly. 

Zevran pulled Cal into a kiss, so delicate and nervous, like the first time. He tasted bitter lyrium on his lips and pulled back a blanched. 

“Damn it Cal that tastes fucking awful.” Zevran said gagging. Was that what Cal tasted whenever he drank those damn things? He knew they smelled bad but this was so much worse. Zevran remembered the first time Cal had revived him. Potion bottles strewn everywhere, Cal trying again and again. And he often drank them in battle in order to make sure no one died. Zevran winced at the thought of having to drink something so awful so often. And yet Cal never complained.

“Brasca, Cal, even now I find more things to be grateful for.” He swallowed thickly. “I doubt we have much time before someone gets impatient, so… I wanted to say… that… I love-” another sob broke through. No. He had to say it. Even if Cal never heard it he needed to say it in death because he never said it in life. “Cal I love you. I love you and Maker I already miss you, I'm so sorry. I'm so so sorry, I-”

The floodgates that Zevran had been trying and failing to keep shut burst, and he fell into ragged sobs. Barkspawn began to howl, long, broken keens that echoed through Zevran's ears.

***

The found him collapsed beside Cal, passed out from exhaustion.

**Author's Note:**

> I put down my pet rat and I guess I needed to vent? Idk sorry.


End file.
